Stress, Conflict, Confrontation and Other Nice Things

By • Sep 4th, 2010 • Category: Pastor's Message

 

A Message given by Rev. Scott Summerville

Asbury United Methodist Church
Yonkers, NY
 
August 15, 2010
 _____________
 
Luke 12:49-56
 
“I came to bring fire to the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! I have a baptism with which to be baptized, and what stress I am under until it is completed! Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division! From now on five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three;….
______________
 
Let’s talk about nice things today.  I like nice.  I love it when I’m at the store or at the exercise club and somebody, out of the blue, offers me a smile.   It gives me such a warm feeling.  I like it when people in church are nice to me, which pretty generally they are. 
 
Nice is good.  I like it when my wife is nice to me, which is, of course, 100% of the time. 
 
I like nice.  I wish there was more of it in this world.  That’s why I am a little bit put out by the tone with which Jesus has spoken to us today by way of the Gospel of Luke.  I thought that I learned somewhere that Jesus was always calm, gentle, and irenic — that is, peaceful. 
 
So what is this we are hearing today?
 
“I came to bring fire to the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled!” 
 
Not nice.
 
“I have a baptism with which to be baptized, and what stress I am under until it is completed!’
 
Jesus, what is this?  You’re not supposed to be under stress; I=m the one that’s under stress!
 
“Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division!”
 
Oh come on! You didn’t really say that, did you?
 
You hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of earth and sky, but why do  you not know how to interpret the present time?
 
Ouch! I have never been so insulted in all my life!
 
“From now on five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three; they will be divided: father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother‑in‑law against her daughter‑in‑law…..!”
 
Oh stop! 
 
There is a popular notion that Jesus was always nice… always… and if he wasn’t always nice, well… he should have been.  There is even the notion that, when you boil it all down, being Christian is really about being nice.  Isn’t that really what Jesus meant: “Hey everybody, be nice!”  So when you hear someone say, “I know it’s not really Christian to say this, but…”   What they mean is, “I am going to say something that isn’t going to sound nice.”  I wish people would banish that phrase, I know it’s not really Christian, from their vocabularies.    If you want to say something that is petty or mean, please keep it to yourself.   If you need to say something that is painful to say, but is true and needs to be said, then say it without apology. 
 
The voice of Jesus comes to us with many inflections: sometimes his voice is tender, comforting.  Sometimes it is sad.  Sometimes it is encouraging.  And sometimes it is as sharp as a knife.  Being a Christian is not about being nice, any more than Jesus was all about being nice.  Hearing and following Jesus is about being real; it is about justice in a world of haves and the have-nots.   It is about standing up for things when it sure would be a lot safer and smoother-going to sit down.   It is about what we do with our money.  Jesus is about love, love, love; sure he is, but his love is not nice-and-easy love; his love is mixed with passion for the poor and love for the despised and the challenge to love the most when it seems almost impossible to love.  “Love your enemies,” he said; have you tried that lately!
 
Usually we try to keep things nice; we avoid conflict; but nice is not enough.  Thirty years ago there was a couple living in Pennsylvania, a woman and a man, who were both family therapists.  Their names were Phyllis and David York.  During their working hours they listened to the troubles of countless families.  Their clients looked to them for hope and guidance as they wrestled with those powerful feelings that family troubles stir up in us, those powerful feelings of anger and frustration, guilt and even despair.  That was their daytime job.  During their off hours Phyllis and David were banging their heads against the wall trying to cope with a teenage daughter was on drugs and whose life was cycling ever more deeply into crime and destructiveness. Eventually their daughter, their child, was arrested for armed robbery. 
 
Out of their experience as counselors, out of their personal anguish as parents, they came to the conclusion that family therapy alone was not going to help them or other parents deal with out-of-control children.  
 
They came up with a plan to save their sanity by taking a step back, taking a stand with their daughter; declaring to her that she could not be in their home and at the same time be a criminal,  that she would go to drug rehabilitation, and that there would be strict conditions for her to be able to return home and remain with them.  Then they had to steel themselves and discipline themselves to deal with the guilt every parent feels when she or he is not the sweet, gentle, all embracing, all forgiving, mommy or daddy.   They found that they needed support from others in order to carry out this radical plan.    Out of their experience with their daughter and with the network of support they formed to help them cope the movement known as ToughLove was born and continues to this day. 
 
How hard it is for parents to put aside their primal memories of holding their little baby in their arms or to their breast and merging with that little one in the sweetest love there ever was; how hard is to say to that once perfect little bundle of love, now growing up, “Stop!  Enough!  Not in this house!”  And how hard it is for the parents to withstand the onslaught of infantile rage that comes when the parents takes a difficult stand to set boundaries for their children.  “We love you unconditionally, but we will not accept your behavior unconditionally,” what a hard message for parents to deliver. 
 
Being nice is not always the loving thing to be.  Nice is nice, but it only gets you so far.  Mary Ellen I had an encounter many years ago that we still remember vividly.  We were engaged to be married.  We sought out a wise person as a third party to talk with us about getting married.  I don’t recall much about the conversation except for one thing. 
 
This wise person asked us to consider the meaning of the word, “confrontation.”   He observed that “front” comes from ancient word for the forehead, and “con” comes from an ancient word meaning with or together.    
 
So confrontation means “placing foreheads together.” This wise person went on to say that marriage must involve confrontation.  Two people must be willing to go forehead to forehead, eye to eye.  They must be willing to face each other and deal with each other close up, honestly, no nicey-nicey, no beating around the bush, no evasion, no taking the easy way out.  Something about those words have stuck with us all these years.  To this day, when I think of the word marriage I picture smiling couples all happy and getting hitched, but I also hear that word, confrontation.
 
Jesus practiced confrontation.  He went directly to the issue of the moment.  So his voice is sometimes sweet and tender, and other times it is provocative downright disturbing.   
 
Sometimes he speaks the words, “Peace be with you,” and other times he says, “I have not come to bring peace, but fire!”
 
Today we will offer the ancient sign of healing, the anointing of our foreheads with oil. This is a time when we open our spirits to the compassion of God, to the healing power of Christ, and to the love of the sisters and brothers with whom we worship today.   Each of us in some way is in need of healing — each of us.  Consider the fact that this healing sign is placed upon our foreheads.  The oil touched upon our foreheads is a reminder that God comforts us and God also confronts us and challenges us.  As we come to this time of anointing, I offer this prayer of preparation:
 
God of mercy, lay your gentle healing hand on us to heal those wounded places within and at the same time confront us, confront us in your love; penetrate our thick skulls, challenge us where we are complacent and blind,  challenge us, that we might make better use of this precious gift of life, and that we might make the hard choices that lead to better life for ourselves and for others. 
 
Grant to us your peace, and touch us with your fire.
 

Amen.

Leave a Reply